need your advice please!!!

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This topic contains 46 replies, has 18 voices, and was last updated by CatsBirds CatsBirds 7 months, 3 weeks ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 31 through 45 (of 47 total)
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  • #5125351 Report Abuse
    Stefs_in_co
    Stefs_in_co
    Participant

    good morning ladies and gents,

    As I said last night she packed the bag she had and left, I assume she went to a hotel because this was kind of thrown upon her. we asked her to leave this weekend orginally, gave her til the 7th but when she came back with the piercings it just frustrated my husband because he was giving her the benifit of the doubt. So he told her last night that tonight was the night she had to go, she obviously had enough money to friviously throw around and put holes in her head, while technically being homeless. (Yes, he can be bluntly cruel) anyway, my fear is the reason me and him got into a fight is that he said he was avoiding the house because the kids were here, we couldn’t do anything as a family so he was gone… So, it made me feel this had to be done. However, this morning I am starting to second guess myself…maybe it did not maybe he was using her as a convient excuse and I just threw people out on the street?! I am heart broken and confused as hell.. But the damage is done I can not take back what just happened, and I can not ask them to come back because if he really does think that is the reason our marriage is having problems, I have to consider my family first. But, what if i am right, and he was just using her as a conventient excuse? oh geez, I am just in war within my head.


    #5125357 Report Abuse
    Resa_NS
    Resa_NS
    Participant

    Don’t go there yet Stef, give him the benefit of the doubt, see how things go,  make time to  have a serious talk about all this with him and leave the self doubts and emotions out of it if you can, and if their is still a problem seek counseling, you seem to have a strong tie to your church maybe your Pastor can help you,  good luck sweetie, {{hugs}}


    #5125368 Report Abuse
    margba
    margba
    Participant

    HUGS & PRAYERS, Stefs and Robin!  It helps to know that youvare no the only one going thru this sort of thing!  I know that is no consolation but that is why there are social svcs!  She wont be able to afford to stay in the hotel for long unless an organ will help out!  I think I would help her by calling an organ to try to get her some permanent housing!  Do you have Bridge of Hope or something similar?  Best wishes for you all!


    #5125475 Report Abuse

    RedRobin_mi
    Participant

    I had it out with dear grand daughter this morning. She knows where I’m coming from. I don’t have a husband to help out and feel all alone, that’s why I unburden my heart here. Just needed someone to talk to.

    She accused me of going thru her room, I told her I didn’t go thru her things but I did pick them up and took out the trash and dishes. I also told her she was enabling him to stay home all day. I told her that her children don’t have a Behavioral problem or ADHD but they have a parent Behavioral Problem. That the kids behaves like they see the parents act. I also told her the rotten junk that the children has to watch every night just because that’s what DAD likes is very harmful to the kids. he makes them sit in his room while mom works and he sleeps. Of course the kids tear the room apart they are bored in that room. He falls asleep and kids change channel ,he wakes up and yells at the kids.

    Some may wonder why I don’t kick them all out. Well, let me tell you why. Both parents were on drugs, they had the kids taken away from CPS. I took the kids in, became a foster parent. They cleaned up their  act and kids were returned to parents, and they fell off the wagon and did the same thing and CPS came on the scene again ,children removed again and I took the kids in again. This time they  were told they were going to lose their “rights” and they would be adopted out. I asked if my husband and I could adopt  them and was told NO because of our age. You can’t be more than 50 yrs older than the oldest child to adopt in MI. So I helped grand daughter to do whatever it took to gain them back again. This is their last chance , if they get turned in again they will lose the kids. It always seems that the children have to pay for the sins of the parents.

    The kids are having a lot of behavioral problems in school, first it was the oldest (8yrs) now the youngest (6 yrs old). 8 year old has straighten up a lot in school but not at home, then 6 yr old started having problems in school. He behaves pretty well for me but he sees his sister acts up and likes to follow.

    Well, dear grand daughter and her boy friend cleaned all morning then was gone for several hrs , out looking for work. I told her I wasn’t going to put up with him laying around in bed all the time, that he has to get out and look for something.

    She apolized to me and thanked me for helping her and the kids out. I will wait and see if things changes around here.

    Prayers would sure help.


    #5125481 Report Abuse
    skippydel13zone6KY
    skippydel13zone6KY
    Participant

    I know exactly what you are going through. My godson came to stay with me the first of September, said he would be out as soon as he got his mother’s last check (she passed away). Well November 1st his wife and he got back together and her mom kicked her out and who proceeds to start living with me but her and the two kids 4 and 7, long story short, he never got the check, he’s never gotten a job (she works), the kids were destroying my house while I was trying to care for a sick friend for 2 months plus me working full time, I told them as of March 1st they had to be out, I extended it one week, I finally said YOU HAVE to be out on Friday, they went to a motel and got kicked out 2 days before they had an apartment and showed up as I was fixing my fence someone drove through and they had chainlink cuts all over the hood and I didn’t offer them to come back and stay and they slept in their car I found out later, they told me they were getting a motel room. I’m now having to repaint my entire house and rip out all carpet and yes I feel for the kids but nothing I can do, they’re gone and I’m glad. If you want her gone, its your home make them leave. Thing is having a place to go to but that is not your problem. Sorry to be hard but after what I have just went through, my heart feels your pain and struggle and the stress you are under for just trying to help someone out that won’t help themselves.


    #5125486 Report Abuse
    skippydel13zone6KY
    skippydel13zone6KY
    Participant

    RedRobin my heart bleeds for you! The “family of four” is what I called mine are right back into drugs and nothing I can do about it. Her mom has taken the kids in 3 times also, and I have so much missing from my house its pathetic. I hope you have a good outcome with your granddaughter!


    #5125489 Report Abuse

    hostalover_Ont
    Participant

    <p>Lots of good advice and it is being taken… good. Those both sound like terrible scenarios — I would have been tempted to leave home!! Red Robin — if they need to lose the kids in order to get their lives in order, you have to accept that.  Your fostering the children seems to set them free to return to their drug lifestyle. It is time to make them really face up to life. Maybe they have made a start by looking for work and cleaning up the room but they have to learn to be parents as well.  Give them a definite date by which they have to be out and into a home of their own.</p><p>Stefs — when you have a chance, giver your husband as much attention as you can — he is probably feeling that he comes second in your love. AND don’t accept your roomers back — ever.</p>


    #5125516 Report Abuse
    margba
    margba
    Participant

    Oh, I hate hearing all those true stories!  It gge way the world is going, I’m afraid!  To pot –literally!  Soooo many of the younger generation are on drugs, watching Dr Phil right now & same story there!  This younger generation of kids have to get their acts tog!   Sometimes ppl need extra help from famly but usually Iits not the best thing for long pds of time, especially when there are young children involved & no one wants to lift a finger to help out around the house or get real jobs!  My heart goes out to each of you in those scenarios!  We’re here gor you & care!


    #5125533 Report Abuse
    skippydel13zone6KY
    skippydel13zone6KY
    Participant

    Its sad that most every family I know has been touched by a child (not child, late 20′s/early 30′s) who thinks the world owes them something and they have no problem using people to just survive from day to day. Thing is you step in and take the children only for them to get jerked back away and shipped back to parents when they get out of jail. Really sad but I’m DONE and I will never let anyone else come live with me to try and “help them out” cause its about broke me down! The stress is awful when you can’t even have peace at your own home, you find yourself just not coming home. LOL


    #5125549 Report Abuse
    margba
    margba
    Participant

    Skippydel, so very sorry for you!  Its about all you can do sometimes! HUGS & PRAYERS! Yes, dont try to help anyone again!  I see its really doing you in & the stress of it all just isnt worth it!  You may end up running your health down, as well as your home!  You all deserve some peace & quiet!  Bless you!


    #5125694 Report Abuse

    Posynut_NY_zone4
    Participant

    Contact some authority that could help house her and the kids temporarily or help get her an apt. and set her up with some help.  Call the county social services dept. in your county and get them involved and I am sure they will help you or at least give you some advice or direct you somewhere else for help.  They will get a social worker involved and try and find a placement for them as a family or at least place the kids in a home that will see that they are provided for and taken care of, etc.  Ask for help with the situation so they can get a life other than your house.   Do it before you get over stressed and you and your husband begin to have problems over it and before it is TOO late.


    #5125711 Report Abuse
    Stefs_in_co
    Stefs_in_co
    Participant

    Ohh so not happy today, I was feeling sick to my stomach and sorry for her…went to walmart to go get a bit of food for us as we havent bought what we liked for 6 months because if we did it would disappear immediently. well, today i ran into my other cousin who proceeded to tell me she was trying to tell me without telling me, that that woman had gotten a tax return a very large chunk that she told her sister about and her sister told her father and blah blah blah…and then found out she was telling her sister all about our personal lives, I feel like i have been being staked out. we changed all the door locks tonight. I am so angry and hurt I tried helping someone I thought was down and out and all of the i find out i have been lied to, and been taken advantage of, my sons video games were stolen by her son we found out today…Nope, dont feel one bit of regret AT ALL. I am going to be the bigger person and not harbor the hatred I feel right now, but I wash my hands of it.


    #5125724 Report Abuse

    calgal_NV
    Participant

    Steph, glad you have no regrets and don’t harbor any bad feelings. Forgive, forget, and move on with your life. Consider it a life lesson learned. :)


    #5125814 Report Abuse
    Resa_NS
    Resa_NS
    Participant

    {{{hugs}}}


    #5125858 Report Abuse
    margba
    margba
    Participant

    Stefs, that is unreal about the big irs ck coming her way!  I would be just livid, too!  But be careful!  Hoping she wont try to sue you fikicking her out!  Someone can you know, if you dont give proper notice!  Doesnt she get survivor benefits from her dh who passed away?  She isnt vBulletin on drugs, is she?  She is really playing the game & taking advantage of everyone!


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