need your advice please!!!

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This topic contains 46 replies, has 18 voices, and was last updated by CatsBirds CatsBirds 6 months, 3 weeks ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 47 total)
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  • #5125169 Report Abuse
    Resa_NS
    Resa_NS
    Participant

    No not at all but there must be some way to  keep the kids safe, maybe get the authorities involved, she can’t take care of them . I’m sorry you have to go through this, you and hubby have to  be on the same page, You are  in the proverbial in between a rock and a hard place,

    Good luck sweetie, {{hugs}}


    #5125170 Report Abuse

    calgal_NV
    Participant

    Unfortunately, it’s hard to kick someone out of your house once you let them in, especially when there are kids involved. I think first thing tomorrow morning, you should call social services and see what services might be available for them. She has kids, she’s getting food stamps, she should qualify for some kind of emergency help with housing. You can’t be responsible for them forever. Let this be a lesson learned, girl. You have a big heart, but your family comes first.


    #5125171 Report Abuse
    Stefs_in_co
    Stefs_in_co
    Participant

    No her mom died, her boyfriend/husband was killed in a car accident last year thats why we brought her in and her father is worthless he is my dads brother… I hate doing this, i hate feeling like i am being a mean person i hate asking multiple times


    #5125174 Report Abuse
    CatsBirds
    CatsBirds
    Participant

    calgal is right… call social services in the morning…… you have had enough… get them out… otherwise you will be out… of your mind….


    Sharon, Catsbirds, Community Team Member
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    #5125175 Report Abuse
    Stefs_in_co
    Stefs_in_co
    Participant

    Well she justcpacked her clothing and what she needed she left and told us that she had no hard feelings or and didnt want things between all of us to be akward


    #5125176 Report Abuse
    Stefs_in_co
    Stefs_in_co
    Participant

    I cant be the person to take her kids from her, i dont want to do that to her but she has got to stand on her own two feet. I am tired worn down and being enabler.


    #5125177 Report Abuse
    4mybackyardpa5
    4mybackyardpa5
    Participant

    It might sound cruel but in the long run I think Resa just might be right. And when you think of it she has only herself to blame for getting the authorities involved. If she would have moved out in the first place, when she was supposed to, this would not have happened.Prolonging it is just going to disrupt your home and you don’t want that to happen.Your Dh is already feeling the tension, by the sounds of it…..Call those authorities!


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    #5125178 Report Abuse

    RedRobin_mi
    Participant

    Stef, I know exactly how you feel, I’m going thru  the same thing. My grand daughter and her 2 kids moved in with me the day after I buried my Dh. I thought it would be company for me as I didn’t want to be alone at that time. I have a big  house with 4 bedrooms so there was plenty of room. Also the kids dad came with the package.

    My problem is they are pigs! no nice way to put it. They have the TV on all night and all day. She works and he stays in bed 21 hours out of 24. He is watching TV /xbox  or sleeping. They both are in bed when she’s not working. They get up to go outside to smoke then back to bed, I never seen anyone sleep as much as they do. They get up to go pottie then back to bed. They get up to get something to eat and take it in the bedroom to eat. If they don’t want what I fix they run to McDonalds (2 blocks away).

    When they are gone I go in their room and haul out the dirty clothes and dishes. Once in a while she helps with the dishes but not often. They get upset when I tell the kids to stop playing so long in the shower (I pay the water bill) I tell them to turn off the TV but they don’t. I tell them to eat at the table but they don’t. They have so many candy wrappers and such trash all over the floor that I can’t stand it .

    We are arguing over everything right now and I am living in my room so I don’t have to look at them or their mess. I found out by seeing a letter(on the floor) that they got evicted from their last home. He gets a job but fools around till he gets fired as he told me he don’t like to work, I wish I knew why she stays with him.

    I can’t turn them out because of the kids, I can’t see them lost to the system. I can’t!

    I say all this Stef so you can relize you don’t have it so bad.


    #5125179 Report Abuse
    oldgirl06
    oldgirl06
    Participant

    You are not a mean person.   You are being taken advantage of and you are allowing her to do it.

    I agree with Cal and Sharon.  Call Social Services and tell them she has to go.  If she is getting food stamps, they have a record on her.

    Those kids do not belong with her.  IMO, she is an unfit mother.

    If you don’t do something about this now, she will never leave.   You have to do this.  And quit feeling guilty.  She and her kids are not your responsibility!

    And next time someone comes to you with a sob story, send them to Social Services right away.  Then shut the door and forget about it.

     


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    #5125186 Report Abuse

    calgal_NV
    Participant

    RedRobin, kick the adults out and keep the kids. I would have a hard time dealing with a man that stays in bed all day and doesn’t want to work. Why should you be a hostage in your own home? Not to be mean, but maybe it’s time to grow a backbone of sorts.


    #5125213 Report Abuse
    Gayle
    Gayle
    Participant

    Well, if she packed her clothes & left she obviously has someplace to go.  So don’t let her back.


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    #5125220 Report Abuse
    Sandy K.
    Sandy K.
    Participant

    To both of you ( Stef & Red ) Not to long ago I had a similar problem with my DD & her children and I turned to my friends here on B&B . I was told everything the two of you are being told . I was in turmoil  over booting my grands to the curb but it worked I grew that back bone and demanded my house back ! Yes candy wrappers every where , dirty clothes dropped where they took them off ,I could go on but the point being is I became a slave in my own house . I to hid in my room hoping it would all go away well it doesn’t ! Until you step up and put your foot down nothing is going to change . Stef drop her butt off at the nearest shelter they will make sure the kids are taken care of and if they see she isn’t doing it then they will report it ,thats their job . Red Get your butt out of the bedroom walk into their room and shut the tv off and tell them this is your options , if they don’t want to live by your rules boot them .Tell that lazy man to get off his A** and get a job and start supporting his family because you aren’t going to anymore . If it takes getting mad so be it . You say it’s not easy but hella ya it is , if I can do you can do it !

    My DD moved out that week and now lives across the road from me . I still have the perks of seeing my grands and talking to DD  everyday , Oh and a clean house run my way !

     

    Sandy K.


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    #5125222 Report Abuse

    calgal_NV
    Participant

    Applause, Sandy K.! Very well said. No one can take advantage of you unless you let them.


    #5125256 Report Abuse
    Lizzie
    Lizzie
    Participant

    well said Sandy!  This is a tough one because our hearts are with the little ones–too bad their PARENT’S hearts aren’t!  Anyway, if they go to a shelter, the people in charge THERE, are going to make them act right!  The lazy guy is not going to sleep all day–they are going to make him go look for a job.  The lazy kids are NOT going to throw their wrappers around–someone in charge is going to make them clean up after themselves.  People love to take advantage of the people who do the most for them–usually family.  They need a wake-up call Stef–no, you are not being mean, you are actually doing them a favor. 


    #5125312 Report Abuse

    jaguae
    Participant

    Stef and RedRobin you both have a soft heart —-but don’t let people use that to destroy you !

    {{{ Hugs }}}


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