need your advice please!!!

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This topic contains 46 replies, has 18 voices, and was last updated by CatsBirds CatsBirds 8 months, 3 weeks ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 47 total)
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  • #5125110 Report Abuse
    Stefs_in_co
    Stefs_in_co
    Participant

    So you guys know that my cousin has been living here since nov. We asked her to leave feb 15th, well it was extended because my husband has a big heart for the kids, they are 2 and 4. So it was extended, to march 15, her alternator went out so we extended it again. well we asked her to move out this weekend and she asked to stay until the 7th, i told her that it was six months she proceeded to correct me and tell me that april 19th was 6 months. Really? I do not care, the point was its been long enough. We gave her the benifit of the doubt and told her the 7th was fine..she then came back to my house saturday with her eyebrow pierced and her tongue pierced I feel that her priorities are misaligned, mind you it is not my life or my body. But I am frustrated with the idea that we are trying to help her, while she wants to act like a teenager. It is just not my cup of tea, and would like to ask her to leave tonight..I have had my ups and downs but her kids are not watched, unless i am watching them..she leaves them with me on the weekends while she goes to work but it was never offically asked. Am I wrong in my thinking? Yes, I said that she could stay for awhile, but my while and patience has given.


    #5125116 Report Abuse
    Sandy K.
    Sandy K.
    Participant

    Put your foot down ! Tell her if she can afford piercings she can afford a baby sitter . She is going to keep asking for an extended stay as long as she knows your soft on the children and she is using you and your husband . Is she paying rent ,buying food , or offering anything to you for her stay ? I know its hard to think what kind of life those children are going to have but you have to think of the stress it’s putting on you too. From the sounds of it to me she’s not looking for another place to stay so I would put your foot down and if that doesn’t work start packing her stuff and put it next to the door . Generosity only extends so far  and I think 6 months is more then enough time to find someplace else to call home .JMO

    Sandy K.


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    #5125120 Report Abuse
    CatsBirds
    CatsBirds
    Participant

    Sandy is right…foot down, tomorrow morning she is out the door… sorry, but sometimes tough love is the hardest thing to do… and you have endured it a lot longer than I would have…

    You need your life back…


    Sharon, Catsbirds, Community Team Member
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    #5125121 Report Abuse

    OhioLilacLady
    Participant

    I agree with Sandy, Stephs … you are definitely being taken advantage of and not appreciated for all that you re doing for this cousin at all. 

    I don t know her age but if she has 2 little ones, she s old enough to know that she needs to learn to stand on her on two feet and provide for the little ones.

    It is sad that she isn t thinking of her kids first and not spending her money on piercings and such.  You are right that she definitely doesn t have her priorities in line .  Her kids and their well-being should come before any frivolities for your cousin.

    You would not be in the wrong to put your foot down and tell her it is more than time for her to step up to the plate and take care of her own and quit sponging from you and your family.

    Marilyn


    #5125125 Report Abuse
    Stefs_in_co
    Stefs_in_co
    Participant

    she is 34 years old, and she has evictions on her credit making it her excuse why she has not left. I used to care, but now I do not. She has 5 children, 3 of them live with their fathers and one she isnt allowed to see because he is angry at her for cheating on him. Also, she is bringing the two other boys every other weekend and she just expects it to be okay that she leaves them here when she goes to work as well..so it has become more then frustrating. My husband and kids and i havent been able to do anything as a family for 6 months because i have her children 2 or 4 of them at one time and can not afford to take them all, we have missed family things because i had to “babysit” I had to ask my other cousin to watch her kids while they were in my house so we could go to my sister in laws birthday party. I am so frustrated, and I don’t know what to do, i feel like i am always skating around the issue that she needs to leave.


    #5125130 Report Abuse
    margba
    margba
    Participant

    I think you are right and she needs to leave!  Maybe if she was more responsible & gave you ger fair share of money for rent, food, etc, j t might be a different story by now!  Its always difficult taking someone in, especially when its more than 1!  Where would she go?


    #5125140 Report Abuse
    Stefs_in_co
    Stefs_in_co
    Participant

    She has paid for groceries with her food stamp card a. First my husband had displeasure in using that.. But then realized that our taxes are paying to feed her and her kids. Margba thats the problem i have is where would she go? But it being my responsibility is hard, its emotionally draining me its making my husband avoid the house on the weekends. Its making dirk and i fight, so    i dont know what really what to do to handle this


    #5125142 Report Abuse
    Stefs_in_co
    Stefs_in_co
    Participant

    She has paid for groceries with her food stamp card a. First my husband had displeasure in using that.. But then realized that our taxes are paying to feed her and her kids. Margba thats the problem i have is where would she go? But it being my responsibility is hard, its emotionally draining me its making my husband avoid the house on the weekends. Its making dirk and i fight, so    i dont know what really what to do to handle this


    #5125143 Report Abuse
    Resa_NS
    Resa_NS
    Participant

    Those poor kids, hope they will be alright, is she a good mother otherwise?


    #5125144 Report Abuse

    Hiker07_IL_5
    Participant

    No, your not wrong. When my ex son-in-law got out of the military they were suppose to stay with us for a month but he didn’t make an attempt to find a place to live or get a job. They had two children too. We finally had to  had to tell them to just go.


    #5125156 Report Abuse
    Stefs_in_co
    Stefs_in_co
    Participant

    Resa, her other three kids were taken from her by the state for the past 6 months we have seen her play pn her phone and ignore her kids .those lids honestly need to be with someone who wants to be around them but, i dont know what else to do i am struggling with this very hard. Dirk just told her tonight is the night and told her how he felt but, i dont know her reaction because i am having a horrible time with this im angry i am hurt i am tired of fighting with my husband.. Im worn out


    #5125158 Report Abuse
    Stefs_in_co
    Stefs_in_co
    Participant

    Is this making me a bad person?


    #5125163 Report Abuse
    bratnella_NM
    bratnella_NM
    Participant

    “But it being my responsibility is hard”

    But it ISN’T your responsibility. It’s hers.


    #5125164 Report Abuse
    margba
    margba
    Participant

    I think I would help her find a shelter!  She will realize after being somewhere like that, that she had it good at your house!  Is there another relative to send her to?


    #5125168 Report Abuse
    Resa_NS
    Resa_NS
    Participant

    No not at all but there must be some way to  keep the kids safe, maybe get the authorities involved, she can’t take care of them . I’m sorry you have to go through this, you and hubby have to  be on the same page, You are  in the proverbial in between a rock and a hard place,

    Good luck sweetie, {{hugs}}


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