JOKES , ANIMATIONS AND LOTS OF LAUGHTER,

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This topic contains 239 replies, has 13 voices, and was last updated by CardinalPuff CardinalPuff 14 hours, 22 minutes ago.

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  • #4783388 Report Abuse

    mememouse
    Participant

        THE CURTAIN RODS..
    On the first day, he sadly packed his  belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

    On the  second day, he had the movers come and collect his  things.

    On the third day, he sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table, by candlelight; he put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring water.

    When he’d finished, he went into each and every room and deposited a few half eaten shrimps dipped in caviar into the hollow center of the  curtain rods.

    He then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

    On the fourth day, the wife came back with her new boyfriend, and at first all was bliss.

    Then, slowly, the house began to smell.

    They tried everything; cleaning, mopping, and airing out the place.

    Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned.

    Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which time the two had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. . . Nothing worked!

    People stopped coming over to visit.

    Repairmen refused to work in the house.

    The maid quit.

    Finally, they couldn’t take the stench any longer, and decided they had to move, but a month later – even though they’d cut their price in half – they couldn’t find a buyer for such a stinky house.

    Word got out, and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

    Finally, unable to wait any longer for a purchaser, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

    Then the ex called the woman and asked how things were going. She told him the saga of the rotting house. He listened politely and said that he missed his old home terribly and would be willing to reduce his divorce settlement in exchange for having the house.

    Knowing he could have no idea how bad the smell really was, she agreed on a price that was only 1/10th of what the house had been worth … but only if he would sign the papers that very day.

    He agreed, and within two hours her lawyers delivered the completed paperwork.

    A week later the woman and her boyfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home ……

    and to spite the ex-husband, they even took the curtain rods!

    I LOVE A  HAPPY ENDING, DON’T YOU? : )


    • This topic was modified 9 months ago by  mememouse.
    #4783466 Report Abuse

    jaguae
    Participant

    HA HA That’s a good one !!!!


    #4783668 Report Abuse
    GiddeyUp
    GiddeyUp
    Blocked



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    #4784147 Report Abuse

    ma-shirley NC
    Participant



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    #4784932 Report Abuse
    theLark_IN_5
    theLark_IN_5
    Participant

    Colorado just passed laws legalizing gay marriage and marijuana.
    The fact that gay marriage and marijuana were legalized on the same day makes perfect biblical sense because Leviticus 20:13 says, “If a man lies with another man they should be stoned.”

    We just hadn’t interpreted it correctly before.


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    #4787106 Report Abuse

    ma-shirley NC
    Participant



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    #4787886 Report Abuse

    mememouse
    Participant



    #4795222 Report Abuse

    mememouse
    Participant

     Whaaaa!,, forgot you cannot copy and paste any thing any more, another little diddy taken away from us,  :cry:

     

     


    • This reply was modified 8 months, 4 weeks ago by  mememouse.
    #4795249 Report Abuse
    theLark_IN_5
    theLark_IN_5
    Participant

    Looks like I’m not the only one having issuses with this crazy board.


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    #4795448 Report Abuse
    GiddeyUp
    GiddeyUp
    Blocked

    My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
    She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’

    I said, ‘Dust.’

    And then the fight started..

    @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

    My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
    She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from
    0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.’

    I bought her a scale.

    And then the fight started…

    @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

    When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her
    some place expensive… so, I took her to a gas station.

    And then the fight started…

    @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

    Three old guys are out walking.

    First one says, “Windy, isn’t it?”

    Second one says, “No, it’s Thursday!”

    Third one says, “So am I. Lets go get a beer.”

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    A man was telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.”

    “Really,” answered the neighbor.
    “What kind is it?”

    “Twelve thirty.”

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.

    A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.

    A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said,

    “You’re really doing great, aren’t you?”

    Morris replied, “Just doing what you said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.’ ”

    The doctor said, “I didn’t say that. I said, ‘You got a heart murmur. Be careful.’”


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    #4795636 Report Abuse

    mememouse
    Participant

     

     



    #4796342 Report Abuse

    ma-shirley NC
    Participant

    I have a funny to post but PB is down for maintenance.  BBL to post it. 


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    #4796696 Report Abuse

    ma-shirley NC
    Participant



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    #4799836 Report Abuse

    mememouse
    Participant

     

     

    Oh my Cod!

     

    Oh brother,, now I have laughing gas..

     


    • This reply was modified 8 months, 4 weeks ago by  mememouse.
    #4806141 Report Abuse
    GiddeyUp
    GiddeyUp
    Blocked



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